You Hit Me

You hit me.

A thousand times you hit me without touching me.

We both knew what it was.

No one else could see it but we knew. 

In small moments,

At the age of 17

You hit me to remind me of how small I was

How worthless I was without you

My only value was marrying someone wealthy

I was only good if I had a valuable talent

Still in adulthood you hit me,

Though grown every time you spoke

I turned back into that scared child,

Wounds are not always physical

I wish you could see the pain you caused

To you it will always be a story I made up

To make you feel better about what you did

The old me would say sorry

The me now thats healing for my own children

This me, says no more. 

The wounds are no longer allowed to be peeled open

Now you cannot hit me and I wonder

How mad it makes you that you cannot hurt me

How frustrated you are not because you hurt me

But because your words no longer slice me open

Fathers should protect and guide.

And only now with my own marriage can I

appreciate the strength of a man who truly loves his children

This child know that her own will be loved

More than she was and that, is healing on its own.

You hit me.

A thousand times you hit me.

My words may not always be kind but my

children will never know a day where their protectors

dont apologize to them when theyre wrong

Theyll never know what its like to have a

father who doesnt work on himself

Theyll never hear the words you said to me

The ones that dig into my very soul

I'm working on peace and love in my unit

I wish you could see how possible it is to live

without ripping others apart

I learned from you

Good and bad

The thing that defines us as a whole,

is how many times you hit me

I never meant to disappoint you but,

Your daughter isnt perfect and Im ready 

To take the good things meant for me

The bruises are healing and most of the cuts are gone

but some words take longer to leave.

I hope the child in you heals, and maybe someday, 

we can talk without hurting each other.